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You are
officially cut-off if you break any of these rules.
There are no exceptions!!
Rule 1001 - No Spillage
Spilling any amount of beer
will get you cut off and thrown out! You better come up
with one hell of an excuse to get out of this one...especially
if it's my homebrew!!
Rule 1002 - No Dual Openers
Anyone
accidentally opening another beer, before finishing their
current beer, is cut off.
Rule 1003 - No Warm Brew
Bringing
warm (non-refrigerated) beer just pisses people
off!!
Rule 1004 - No Pretenders
You
either can or can't handle your beer -- 'nuff said.
Rule 1005 - No Freeloading
You may
show up once without bringing your own supply. After
that, you are cut off!
Rule 1006 - No Quitters
My favorite rule...if you
pour it, you drink it!! People who leave half full
bottles or pints of beer for me to clean up the next day
should be shot, hung, stabbed, and then tortured!
Rule 1007 - No Ghosting
Forgetting
where you left your beer is only forgiven if you don't break
the "5 second rule." Remember where it is in 5 seconds
or less and you may continue to indulge.
Rule 1008 - No Illegal Dumping
You
know the type - this is the person who takes so long to finish
their beer that it has become warm and flat. They try to
sneak over to a bush or a sink and dump it out so they can go
get a fresh refill. Please refer to Rule
1006.
Rule 1009 - No Hyper-Pumpers
Take
it easy on the keg, you only need to pump it once or twice
while the tap is OPEN...get it?
Rule 1010 - No Carousing
Under no
circumstances may you hit on your buddy's spouse, UNLESS your
buddy says it's okay!
Rule 1011 - No Mine Sweeping
There
is no excuse for losing track of your beer and grabbing the
closest beer as if it were yours...get your own!
Rule 1012 - No Ahh Shits
An ahh
shit is what most of us say when we open the freezer and
discover that we left the beer in there too long! We've
all done it, but three "Ahh Shits" and you're outta
here!
Rule 1013 - No
Butting
Accidentally or purposely dropping a
cigarette butt into an otherwise good beer will get you thrown
out and chastised until the end of
time!
Rule 1014 - No
Bring and Switch
If you bring it, you drink it. Don't bring
in some cheap-ass, knock off, $4.85 a case beer, and drink the
other good beer in the house first.
- Greg Bailey, Winchester,
Ky.
Rule 1015 - No
Slamming Good Beer
No slamming of quality
ales or lagers! Good beer is ment to be enjoyed. You may
however slam a Bud or a Coors (first beer only ) just to get
the taste of the day out of your system. Then enjoy a real
beer.
- Brian
Sluggett, Oakdale, Ca.
Rule 1016 - Giving
Head Is For Chicks
If you pour a beer for
someone too quickly, you just became "beer-bitch" for the
night. Oh, yeah, and you're cut-off.
-
Adam
Mason
Rule 1017 - No "Tapping"
The
act of "tapping" your bottle of beer atop the bottle of
another person's beer, thereby causing a pressure reaction and
a volcanic effect, thereby ruining a good beer. This
rule may be violated only if you can buy a case of said beer
for less than $5.00.
- Jon Brooks,
Meredith,
NH.
Rule 1018 -
Vomiting
Vomiting In Bounds A beer drinker
who vomits in a toilet, in bushes, or other area
designated by the Host as "in bounds" shall not be
penalized in any way, and shall receive kudos and
honoraria if he continues drinking after vomiting in
bounds.
Vomiting Out Of
Bounds A beer drinker who vomits on carpet,
upholstered furniture, or other area designated by the host as
"out of bounds" shall be subject to penalties, including but
not limited to: being dragged through own vomit, being
stripped naked and left in the front yard, and paying for the
cost of cleaining. Nevertheless, a beer drinker who
vomits out of bounds and continues drinking may receive kudos
and honoraria at the Host's discretion.
- Prestor John, Miami,
Fl.
Rule 1019
- No Updating
There is no walking around
saying "I'm so wrecked, this is my 8th." If you're sober
enough to remember how many you've had, then you havent had
enough!
- Jimmy Sear,
Centereach, NY
Rule 1020 - No
Cheapos
If you chip in a dollar or two to
get a case, dont expect to be
able to drink as much as you
want. A beer or two is all you get- three tops if your
friends are in a good mood. If you wanna drink up- pay
up.
- Monica Lee, Wichita, KS
The Beer Prayer (not a rule, but worthy of the
list)
Our
lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be Thy
drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as
I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And
forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill
against us,
And lead us not to incarceration,
But
deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The
bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever, Barmen
-
author unknown
If you have additional rules you think
should be added to the list, please e-mail them to me. If I think it is
worthy, your rule will be added and you will become instantly
famous! Your friends will be jealous, so send in your
rules today!
Rules 1001-1005, 1007, 1009-1013
Derived from original content from BeerLoverCam.com with
permission |
